Everybody knows that women shouldn’t just be a Sexy _____ for Halloween. Instead, you should be something empowering, like a cool empress or goddess or inventor from Take Back Halloween. Even if you feel amazing dressed up as a Slutty Bunch of Grapes (oh wait I picked that as a joke but it is a thing:
BUT the girl in this photo is totally doing the costume wrong. Here are two ways to do Slutty Bunch of Grapes: you’re totally naked except for like seven purple balloons taped to your body, and your chosen Halloween lover gets to watch you pop them one by one as you do the Dance of the Seven Slutty Grapes, OR you’re totally naked except for SEVERAL HUNDRED real grapes glued to your body with some kind of special food-safe glue and your lover gets to eat them all off one by one and then zhe is TOO FULL to eat any of hir candy and YOU GET TO EAT IT ALL oh wait I was supposed to be telling you NOT to be a slutty bunch of grapes!) ANYWAY, even if you got a great idea for a Slutty Bunch of Grapes costume + sex game from the Internet, you shouldn’t be a Slutty Bunch of Grapes because of what Mean Girls taught us. You remember! “In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.”
So because Halloween is this weird carnival time of misrule, women and girls are encouraged, even required, to wear provocative outfits for which they would be mercilessly slut-shamed at any other time of year. And because Cady didn’t get the Girl World memo, she shows up in an amazing, totally transformative Zombie Bride costume and feels really uncomfortable and the boy she likes makes out with Regina George the Playboy Bunny.
