Tag Archives: go ask anais

by | May 18, 2015 · 11:17 am

GO ASK ANAIS: My Feminist Boyfriend (Is Kinda Sexist)

Go Ask Anais

Illustration by Forsyth Harmon

Dear Anais,

I’m a cis, straight white woman dating the man of my dreams. He’s liberal, progressive, handsome, young, he’s got a career and his shit in order, he is not afraid to call himself a feminist, he’s emotionally available and prioritizes me through his actions, and to top it all off at my place he puts the toilet seat back down after he pees.

I know you’re ready to throw this correspondence out as a humble brag or not so gently remind me that there are people with real problems in this world, but hear me out: he will call himself feminist, but when he says or does things that are micro-aggressive or sexist, I can’t get him to own up to it–he’ll argue it’s my wrong interpretation of a scenario because, after all babe, he’s a feminist.

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by | March 16, 2015 · 11:02 am

GO ASK ANAIS: Coworkers, I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down (AKA Stop Shaming My Radical Parenting Choices!)

Go Ask Anais

Illustration by Forsyth Harmon

 

Dear Anais,

This past June I became a mother. I’m also an educated professional. I took the maximum amount of maternity leave available to me (about five months), and about three months in, I came to grips with the fact that I’d actually be returning to my job. Just to clarify, I actually wanted to return to my job—but I think that there’s a phase of the postpartum period where many new parents just believe they will always stay home with their babies (or live in the fantasy that they will), because parent-baby attachment is just that kind of intense love explosion. But I digress.

Once it was time to buckle down and actually figure out childcare, My (male) partner and I decided, for many many reasons, that he would leave his job to stay home with our baby son, while I returned to work full time. While financially it’s not super-comfortable, we are privileged that this is an option for us, even if it’s temporary. The decision feels to me like exactly what I want in a family—baby gets to be cared for by a beloved parent, and parents both understand the intensity and joy of being full-time with baby, as well as the intensity and joy of balancing a working life and family life (my partner worked full-time during my maternity leave). It also felt like an incredible way to counteract crappy gender dynamics, by letting our son be nurtured and comforted by my partner as his primary caregiver. Continue reading →

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by | February 17, 2015 · 9:00 am

GO ASK ANAIS: 30 is the Loneliest Number. Do Post-20s Female Friendships Exist?

Go Ask Anais

Dear Anais,

I’m writing to you because I’m a 30-year-old woman and I’m alone. I’m not in a relationship right now and haven’t been for a year and there’s nothing really on the horizon. This doesn’t bother me so much—of course I’d like to find love but my relationship with my ex was such an exhausting experience that I’m actually glad for the time off at this point. My problem is that I used to have friends, good ones. And now suddenly, they are all in relationships and I’m the single one. Even my two roommates are always over at their significant others’ apartments or closed off in their rooms here.

I’m lonely. I’m bored. Last week I finally synched up with one of my friends and we went to dinner and she was constantly checking her phone and stayed for one drink afterward and then said she was going to meet up with her boyfriend who was home from work. I’m so tired of being dropped.

Now that we are older, does friendship even exist anymore? The person who used to be my closest friend always talks about her boyfriend being her best friend. I get it—if you have a built-in companion you do everything with, who has use for friends? I’m not trying to sound bitter—I’m really trying to understand whether my expectations of having strong female friendships are realistic at this point.

Thanks in advance,
The Only Lonely

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by | January 12, 2015 · 11:09 am

GO ASK ANAIS: I Thought I Was a Writer, but I’m Probably Just a Talentless Hack

Go Ask Anais

Illustration by Forsyth Harmon

 

Dear Anais,

I am in the middle of my first year in a graduate writing program. The program was my top choice, and I was also offered a nice fellowship as part of the admission package. Needless to say, I was on top of the world when accepted.

However, a semester later, I’m having a crisis. I came into the program feeling pretty good about my work, but my confidence has plummeted. The other writers in the program all have top-tier publications, get asked to read all the time, and two of them already have well-received books. They are obviously more talented than I am and I feel like I don’t quite know what I’m doing here: they seem to know all the right people and seem to have read EVERYTHING. I just feel like I can’t compete. The one thing I have going for me is that I’m socially astute, so everyone is nice to me. In fact, my peers are quite fun and friendly despite being apparent wunderkinds. Continue reading →

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