Author Archives: Marisa Crawford

“One of my wives is punk as fuck.”

This week’s Bach featured the very special guest host Jimmy Kimmel, a delightful reprieve from Chris Harrison. The episode began with him sneaking into Chris’s bedroom and waking him up, and Chris pretending to be totally surprised. Then they greeted the ladiesssszzz, and Kimmel made some funny jokes that commented on the ridiculousness of the whole Bachelor scenario: “I’m going to help Chris make his decision by making love to each of you.” LOLZ. And some jokes that took it a little too far like “If anyone would like to join me in the bedroom…” Ew, Jimmy Kimmel. Continue reading →

Our future husband wears his hoodie zipped just slightly above half-way up at all times.

This week’s episode kicked off with Kimberly, the woman who was rejected at last week’s Rose Ceremony but stuck around to talk with Chris just cause she’s sure she’s that special. We know that she isn’t, and that Chris doesn’t like when girls have brown hair. “Ick,” he says when he sees brunettes, and closes his eyes and grimaces. (Just kidding, Chris actually has said at several points, “brunette, blonde, I don’t care—it’s all about the connection.” Wow you guys, can you say FEMINIST?!) Chris worries about what kind of message it will send to the other women if he lets I’m Sure I’m Special Kimberly stay another rose ceremony cycle, but his BFF Chris Harrison assures him: “this is your life; there are no rules.” And so he lets Kim stay, to the horror of the other women.

We learn that Farmer Chris is staying in a house right down the driveway from where the ladiesssszzzz are lodging, and Host Chris basically encourages the womyn to break into Farmer Chris’s house by repeatedly saying “Chris lives right there” and “there are no rules.” Two gals do break in later in the episode; they like look at Farmer Chris’s motorcycle and it’s really boring. The only interesting part is that the girls are both wearing bikinis, and for some reason one of their lower halves keeps getting blocked out by one of those black censor bars because apparently her swimsuit does not cover her ass nor her vulva. Continue reading →

Let the journey to find love begin.

On Monday night, Bachelor Chris Soules began his season-long swim into a pool of conventionally pretty, ultra-traditional women competing for his hand in marriage. As a feminist, I’m horrified by The Bachelor. I’m also deeply excited to watch every single minute of it.

First of all, I want to address what I think it means to write a feminist take on The Bachelor—if I was doing a truly non-lazy and incisive feminist response to the show, I would talk about larger problems with how gender, race, class and more are portrayed in reality TV, and about media, and like, capitalism. The fact that the show’s politics are incredibly not-progressive to an almost unbelievable degree and that it promotes a totally archaic view of gender norms, and depicts a world that’s virtually absent of people who aren’t straight and white and cis. It is so dumb and bad, you guys. Truly. I’ll touch on all of these ideas here, but I also can’t deny that I’m basically deeply committed to watching every episode of this terrible show, for pretty un-feminist reasons. These are:

Reason 1: In 2008, Erica DiSimone, a Girl Who Went to My High School, was on The Bachelor. And so I watched. And because each season’s Bachelor or Bachelorette is a well-loved rejected suitor from the previous season, I became hooked for SEVEN YEARS. Continue reading →