I wrote/recorded (click here to hear) the following in reaction to recent events. Also, our fabulous Weird Sister Soleil Ho wrote a related post (which you should also check out if you haven’t already)…
[Procedure: Have an actual Asian female poet silently mouth “take my face take my voice take my face take my voice” throughout this entire audio recording]
Are you a cis-white male poet who’s been rejected over and over for the same shitty poem? Do you want this same shitty poem to be selected for the Best American Poetry anthology?
Then look no further–just adopt an Asian female voice!
Asian female voices are wonderful to wear because they’re tight, soft, yet exotic-sounding. This sexy combination will leave your white cock pink and throbbing stiff! The more you hear it recite your boring ancient Greek allusions in iambic pentameter, the harder your pee pipe will get.
Also, their face-skin-mask with its alluring alabaster glow is closest in pigment to yours. No one will know it’s you underneath because the Asian female is invisible. She’s your delicate orchid, your quiet servant who bows her head in deference to your tiny pink cock before she sucks it silently, dutifully.
Behold her chinky gaze! These tiny black lakes offer a mirror reflecting your own infinite gaze of you looking at yourself.
To begin, choose an Asian female name–maybe one that means “golden soldier”– but you wouldn’t actually give a fuck about the meaning because “Yong Whee” just sounds super weird with its silent “w” (since there’s no easy phonetic translation for the original Korean)– that will be your mask.
To colonize her voice, stretch your vocal folds to the point of obvious straining while still allowing air to pass through, creating a breathy high-pitched sex moan.
Employ light articulatory contacts, as the Asian female voice is obviously unassertive–always unsure of what she’s saying, barely speaking, not meaning to interrupt your superior white monologue about Western cultural supremacy.
Example 1: “I want to suck your phony disgusting penis in my tight small mouth.”
Example 2: “I want to grab your cock with the edge of my teeth and bite down hard so your blood fills my oral cavity, pouring out the sides of my mouth like thick slow waterfalls.”
Example 3: “I want to spit out your flaccid pathetic penis tip and shove it in your white male mouth and have you bleed to death before me, falling to your knees, asphyxiating from severed cock block.”
Example 4: “May death and plague reign upon your trite Greco-Roman references that insidiously uphold the superiority of white cultural values–values of colonialism, rape, war, and destruction.”
Example Infinity: *May all Asian female poets solemnly declare: “FUCKING STOP FUCKING US OVER WHITE MALE POETS! WE ARE NOT YOUR QUIET CONCUBINES! WE ARE NOT YOUR AGREEABLE SUSHI WAITRESSES! WE ARE HUNGRY FOR THE BLOOD OF YOUR SEVERED HEADS! WE WANT REVENGE! WE ARE YOUR NIGHTMARE BEASTS! WE WILL FEAST UPON YOUR REMAINS AND THEN SHIT ON YOUR SKELETONS! WE WILL SMEAR OUR MENSTRUAL BLOOD ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING SKULLS! WE WILL TAKE OUR DICKS AND PISS GASOLINE OVER WHATEVER IS LEFT OF YOU AND YOUR BORING, OVERWROUGHT, SELF-INDULGENT LINES OF ‘POETRY’ AND BURN, BURN IT ALL IN A GRAND INFERNO OF WRATH AND RAPTURE!”
And when the blaze dies down and the smoke clears, we will be here, as we always fucking were, you shithead bastard fuckers.
*Note to Asian female poet: cease mouthing “take my face take my voice” here and speak the following section with audio recording.