Image by Matt L Rohrer
Folks are always trying to compress the talented brown GURLS!!! OMG, my friend said “YOU NEED TO BE MORE HUMBLE!!!””
Bitch, humble about what???!!
I’VE OVERCOME DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, I’VE OVERCOME HOMELESSNESS, I GOT TWO COLLEGE DEGREES WHILE STILL RESISTING ASSIMILATION! YOU WANT ME TO BE HUMBLE ABOUT WUTT??!!
Bitch, I’m one of the greatest things I’ve ever witnessed.
Do you understand what it takes to be this fierce & faggoty & confident & ALIVE!! How dare you tell me to be humble. NOW BOW BEFORE YOUR QUEEN / BEFORE I BEHEAD YOU.
Lately, I’ve come to understand that humility is a privilege.
Some girls can be humble because they have so many people and systems already affirming their existence and creating space for them to thrive.
You know who affirms me? I do.
And I cannot afford humility. // When my father was kicking my ass, when I was sleeping at the park, hiding from police, dumpster diving for food, stealing from grocery stores, stealing clothes from department stores.
I’D LEAVE MY OLD SHOES IN THE SHOE BOX & WEAR THE NEW SHOES ON MY FEET, WALKING OUT THE STORE’S FRONT DOOR.
I’d tell myself, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you will get out of this, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
you are beautiful, you are talented, you are strong,
[People wouldn’t steal as much shit, if they had the resources necessary to survive].
Do you know how hard it is // to thrive in this world // when you’re queer brown & radical???… I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT I EXCEED EXPECTATIONS, FINISH MY WORK QUICKLY, & STILL MIGHT GET FIRED FOR MY PERSONALITY [re: my politics].
They’re not actually against my personality. They’re against my politics. They don’t understand how policing my tongue, tone, word choice // is white supremacist. How respectability is white supremacist. They don’t understand the repercussions of my silence.
If I don’t name my worth // people don’t know it.
If I don’t name my space // people take over it.
Humility is for a select & privileged few. I’M NOT HUMBLE, I’M THE SHIT.
For many years, I wanted to be kinder, quieter, more peaceful… I remember high school, looking at a poster of Gandhi with the words “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
I remember thinking “yes, world peace.”
Then “Fuck you Gandhi. I want the world to be much more diverse than myself.”
Then I learned Gandhi never even said that quote.
Lately, I’ve been learning how to stop patronizing myself. I love me for being messy and rude and kind and tender and confident and loud and COMPLEX. I AM LEARNING HOW TO HOLD THE WHOLENESS AND THE VARIETY OF MYSELF.
&, please, bitch, DON’T TELL ME TO BE LESS OF ANYTHING. I’m finally becoming the person / I love / & I will not give myself up / for your comfort.
Christopher Soto (aka Loma) is a queer latin@ punk poet & prison abolitionist. Their first chapbook “Sad Girl Poems” is forthcoming from Sibling Rivalry Press. They cofounded The Undocupoets Campaign with Javier Zamora & Marcelo Hernandez Castillo in 2015. They’ve interned at the Poetry Society of America & received an MFA in poetry from NYU. They edit Nepantla: A Journal Dedicated to Queer Poets of Color with the Lambda Literary Foundation. Originally from the Los Angeles area, they now live in Oakland.
